We traveled between two mile markers in 18 seconds. Do the math.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
why isn't there a fb relationship option that says 'still banging my ex'
i was so drunk that there were 2 of her, and i didn't know which one to fuck
you stole their roomba and ran out the door so that you could 'set it free'.
we found you passed out on lawn and the roomba bouncing back and forth on the sidewalk.
Apparently I fed my Plan B to my turtle last night.
Omg I just met another drunk guy that is teaching me karate
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
I just moved 6 traffic cones blocking a row of traffic. I got applause.
I've made this amazing blanket/pillow cocoon combo and I am set for life in here.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
who knew tequila and Christmas cookies would go so well together
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
Randomize
