Ok I might come if this chair quits being so great...I'm also seeing this bush in the corner turn into a witch
His apartment number was 69. I had to.
So, i took all the condoms from his nightstand, not in the crazy ex way, but in the I paid for them way.
I was informed last night that im not allowed to pick up the bouncers and carry them around anymore. Last sat is starting to make more sense
you called her butter tits and then threw up in your cup. i dont know if theres any way to come back from that
You had the genius idea to tape beer to the celing fan. There goes his security deposit. He is gonna be fuckin pissed.
Good idea. You gotta take care of your vagina. She takes care of you. Pay it forward.
I actively tried geting in the guy's pants and ended up in the girl's. I'm bad at this whole straight while drunk thing.
if i cared i wouldnt have woken you up by pouring a bottle of soy sauce on you.
is that what this stuff is?
She left her panties here. They looked SOOO much smaller last night.
Hey sorry for being annoying last night, I just realized how many times I yelled "JORDAN!" during and after playing pong.
Why is there puke in my guitar?
Because you puked in your guitar.
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
we went outside for a smoke and when we came back in you were ptfo on the floor holding the phone to your ear. Pizza pizza was on the line.
Randomize
