last time I sleep in the lobby. woke up to some girl asking me what floor I lived on. somebody put me, couch included, on the elevator.
ahh summer, the season during which the prefix for every verb is "get drunk and"
Totally using formspring as an incognito way of making sure that girl from last night wasn't jailbait.
so how does soaking flintstones gummy vitamins in vodka not make perfect sense
I just had my first non-cocaine-induced nosebleed for the first time in 2 years. This calls for a celebration.
you're a fucking everclear ninja. the whole goddamn formal blacked out. you're the worst dj ever
but I'm the best friend ever. I got you laid
First of all you can never say anal too much. Second I now think you're a total gentleman.
Rarely has that paragraph ever been put together
Can I please come dance in my bra to destiny's child with you? I'll bring the wine and the glitter
I just realized that the first thing he ever bought me was Plan B.
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
She was two things I dont understand: tall and Christian
He just ranted to some customer about fourth of July being ruined and I just shouted USA the whole time in the background. It was kinda epic
Great. I broke up with him before he could like my selfie, now I'm down a like.
Your youporn search history says otherwise.
when I finally sobered up enough to get out of bed this morning I went to talk to mom and forgot that I had TITS written in big letters on both my hands. I love drinking games.
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