ya dads aren't the best wingmen
Really stoned
just sent my roommate on a cheese run
this girl ate taco bell on my bed naked last night, it was the sexiest thing ive ever seen
We made a percocet pizza. And then i made an unfortunate decision.
I only had sex with her cause she looked like jwoww from jersey shore
They don't exactly give out small business loans to start-up dealers
cliffnotes. writing studyguide on last pack of smokes. glad this semester is over.
Ha, I bet. You tipped the waitress like 10 bucks for a glass of water.
Sounds good. Stay safe. I'm kind of drunk in a Food 4 Less right now and I'm having the time of my life.
Yes she scared me. She had NIPPLE CLAMPS ATTACHED TO A STUN GUN.
I can't promise that. They just put an extra shot in my margarita.
Is it okay to thank someone for the orgasms they gave you, even though they weren't with you?
Hey don't blame me, picking what flavor of condom to put on my dick is a very difficult selection process
Say whatever the fuck you want about me, but leave my deceased cat out of it.
my friends roomated asked me this morning if we went to mcdonalds last night and i had no idea...that is until i checked my purse and found half a mcdouble in it...
Randomize
