I woke up this morning wearing my tux shirt and jacket, but no pants.
______ was pissed. My breath tastes like tequila and doritos, and I couldn't get it up.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Fell into a man hole last night. I've been bleeding since 11pm. Got kicked out of the bar for being bloody.
Honestly, I don't care whether it was a guy or a girl. Best blowjob ever.
Picture this: me driving down 183 throwing up into a towel. I just hit rock bottom.
My prof gave me extra credit for drawing a ninja on my paper and writing "ninja will up my grade"
I'm at this kids house trying to figure out if I pissed in his kitchen new years eve. Lmao, stop letting me drink.
how much ball-pain constitutes an emergency?
Just got outta the drunk tank! Happy 21st birthday!
Idk dude but he said something bout his "dick was gonna be so tan" then he jus jumped out of the car
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Pissing into the Grand Canyon is the single most liberating thing I've ever done in my entire life
I can't find my keys and there's a hotdog in my purse.
Did you apologize to him for the trip to the strip club as a first date or is that something that just gets swept under the rug??
I honestly think sometimes all you need is a $2 alcoholic punch poured from a jug into a big glass to feel better. I guess abblebees is my new problematic fav
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