giving a blow job on a jetski isn't as easy as it sounds.
New plan, instead of sleeping with her, I'm just going to use her to sleep with the entire sorority.
Just grabbed my laptop and a beer to take a shit. Mom gave me a look of disgust. I miss college.
She tased me when I walked in the door. Thought I was trying to steel her weed.
he said i give him, and i quote, "emotional blue balls"
I'm hard boiling eggs, drinking rum, and talking to my 8 year old brother about the 10's times tables. This is what thursday is all about.
I feel as though the word "tired" has become synonymous with "too high to manage the stairs" lately
These shoes are like walking on sunshine and labias. So soft and squishy
I think I slept in the cheesecake last night. Either that or I had a wet dream. Whatever happened I need to wash my pants.
I think drinking everclear was a better idea than taking a night class.
He's the stereotypical redneck. He tried to go kayaking during a storm and almost got into a fight when a park ranger tried to stop him
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
I don't know how Dave is alive, I feel like he's been drinking since I met him.
I got to walk around for eight hours wearing power armor and acting camp. No way I wouldn't love it.
Don't do tequila. The Devil himself spits into shot glasses and we call it tequila. You will do bad things.
Randomize
