I may be a little high but I'm pretty sure my alphabet soup has only Os in it
We call that spaghetti Os
I'm in a subway station watching a tranny do her makeup. This is like watching a unicorn giving birth.
It's a beautiful day for a hangover
i can't believe you bought a jetta. you know that's a girl car, right? if i hadn't had sex with you, i'd have no other proof you're straight.
Dude, this chick, who is smokin by the way, has 4 false teeth on top from a softball accident that she can take out if she wants... Who's getting amazing head tonight? This guy!
I don't know whether to be creeped out by the fact this chick can do that, or jealous because you're getting toothless head.
Let's go free Charlie Sheen and party with him
I just won't go as hard tonight. Four dollar ladies night drink or drown is not a good idea for me. I like to get my money's worth.
THE CEO RESPONDED TO THE MEMO WITH HIS "UNICORN" EMAIL ADDRESS AND NOW HE'S APOLOGIZING TO EVERYONE FOR USING HIS PERSONAL EMAIL AT WORK.
It's something I can't competently describe without making sex sounds.
So you don't take a regular pic with her, but you take a selfie with her ass. Interesting...
They asked me my level of pain at the hospital and I told them I called my ex 6 times
My hangover headache is somewhere in the Harry Potter scar neighborhood. I can now empathize with that poor bastard.
We celebrated Cinco the right way. We took shots of 1800 then he fucked me while Selena was on TV in the background
I woke up to rachel asking "did anyone else fall out of a tree last night?"
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
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