An ex-gang member just asked me out on a date via note. And spelled dinner wrong. Win?
ok, just found out the kid i had random sex with in April was on wheel of fortune so i can really no longer say i regret that night
hey you forgot your wet suit in my room you can come grab it whenever
Im positive, your name was on my abdomen, Im pretty sure thats solid evidence
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
I think that thing where I have 2 boyfriends is happening again
You are the ghost of drunk bitches past, present, and future.
There's only two more days left to say you saw me naked this year.....I'll bring the booze, you got all of next year to rationalize why.
Two guys I banged regularly got married this week. I need vodka.
I could tell my life story through kermit memes
Two old ladies openly mocked me this morning at drunk breakfast. Is it time to reevaluate my life choices?
Then you fell out of your chair, looked right at me and said, "You are sooo drunk."
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
We left Waffle House and he took off running five miles down the road saying we were "training for the Olympics." And I mean, I couldn't leave him out there like that...
Randomize
