My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
i decided i am going on the Justin Bobby plan for success. Don't cut my hair for a year, don't shave for a month, land Audrina Patridge. Game on.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
finally stumbled home. 4am. made it to the bathroom and threw up. the cat came in,s aw me, looked at the vom in disgust, and then threw up too. its nice to have such sympathetic pets.
I told her you were a premature ejaculator. She nodded and said "Really? Wow, how long's he been a Pilot for?"
you are both the best and worst wingman ever.
He's really hot. I think he's gonna be my reason to shave this winter.
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
You just handed me your ATM card and wrote your PIN number on a dollar bill and said "for bail money."
I have now added draft and wells specials that different bars have to my blackberry calendar.. Help me.
Dude, they are shaking the RV, yell at them. It feels like i'm being rocked to sleep, I don't like it, I'm not a baby.
My addiction to golf is getting out of hand....I just caught myself swinging my dick like a putter while peeing.
Dude, she doesn't even live here... She just can't eat all our food and masturbate on my dog's couch...
Did he hurt you? I have a crowbar I can beat his sorry ass with
Like he was trying to be sexy but he had shit taste in porn so i left
Typically a man doesn't buy a woman a drink in hopes of her laughing at his penis, but no one said I was normal.
Randomize
