Something clean will definitely be barfed on tomorrow.
wakey wakey hands off snakey
i gave him head before the novacaine wore off...i think his penis touched my lung
I just realized that all of my cardio comes from dancing on tables.
Whenever I miss you I just turn on Tool Academy
all i remember is being at the diner with her at 3am and her storming into the kitchen to make sure the chef gave me regular fries instead of home fries.
Every fourth of July I get sentimental when I think back to the one where we drove around baked off our asses crashing multiple cookouts listening to Team America's "America, Fuck Yea" on repeat. I miss us.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
Planning a foam party. Swimsuits are mandatory, and please no granny suits. If you wear a granny suit I will stick you in the corner and put a cone hat on your head.
Shower wine is way better than shower beer.
I HAD TO PAY A COVER FOR THE FIRST TIME LAST NIGHT. My tits didn't get me in and I was so pissed.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
They're doing CPR to someone in the middle of Victoria's Secret. Way to block the undies, damnit!
Lunch date was a success. And you'll be proud- my legs stayed closed.
Randomize
