He is such a slut. More and more my type.
I should be sponsored by Trojan
Thanks for pulling me out of the bed by my feet atleast one of us was sober enough to know I had work at 5 am.
Oh, and trying to figure out who wants to do Molly in a frat is like asking damn children if they want puppies and candy. So just bring as much as possible.
Would it be tacky of me to tell the two girls I just found out he's been sleeping with on the side that I've been having gay sex with him all semester?
Just got a blowjob from a coed in exchange for saving her an iPhone 5 when I get them in stock. Sometimes it's awesome to be a Verizon employee.
so it turns out the huge bruises on my knees are from drunk bmxing and not getting railed from behind on the ground
and ill have you know that I only wiped out twice
Today's walk of shame includes last nights hair and make up, an 8 hour shift, me leading a meeting and me throwing up in a parking lot on my way to work. Dear world, you're welcome.
I got my nipples pierced. If you haven't seen my boobs in the past week, you're among the minority
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
Just told my roommate about "analvice" and she is horrified and the Sound of Music is ruined.
I know! It's like he knows when my vagina wants to misbehave!
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
Ladies night is a gift from god. If it weren't for that, I'd probably be selling my eggs for booze money.
I was so high I forgot how to swallow food, and I just kept thinking "thank god its just mashed potatoes, they'll go down eventually"
Randomize
