Hey kate, how is it?
sloppy...it's emily. kate just tried to do a keg stand. they dropped her. we're leaving.
i soberly give you permission to do that to me when im drunk
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
man i wonder what i would be like if i had never started smoking weed
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Asking the cop for directions wearing a lion mask may not have been my best moment...
You were almost as fucked up as I was the night I hooked up with a bob saget look alike...
I had to jump out of her car while it was moving enough said
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I will not be held responsible for my vagina's poor judgment.
Can someone please remind me later tonight that there's a taco in my purse. I may get drunk and forget I put it there
You just managed to turn Dr. Seuss into a sext. I really like you now.
Can my mom come with to the bar? Prince just died and I feel like I need to take her out to cheer her up.
I wouldn't be able to live with myself if I blew a Trump supporter.
Randomize
