Can we have unprotected sex soon?
Don't quote me on that, I'm a walking boner
My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
i never told you how having a club foot got me laid
im in Michaels with rachel and i see a little boy jumping around and waving a rainbow pompom. Welcome to our team little one
grab my backpack.....its in the fridge
you can now officially say a girl has shaved your initials into her pubes. welcome to the club.
Finishing last nights 1.5L of wine and beef jerky for breakfast. Work looms, ever the prickly bitch.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
He put a canoe in the lazy river at the water and started paddling away from security
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
I'm trying to behave my vagina this week so I can at least pretend I'm honoring the sanctity of marriage
Ur betting me $100 that I can't do ur sister?
I need to find a more reliable booty-call so I can start dating people and take it slow.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
There’s an entire generation of people out there who didn’t grow up watching Mr. Rogers and it shows. These Boomers need to get their shit together.
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