Heyy I kind of wanted to apologize and excuse myself for last night. I feel like that was a little much. I just met you. That's why I don't like tequila. Haha
i'm so high i feel like the people i'm chatting with online can some how see that i'm naked.
whoever says they hate hangovers just doesnt know how to embrace them. i'm eating a mashed potato sandwich and watching grind.
we went to sleep in different beds and woke up spooning. alcohol truly is the anti-cockblocker.
Someone in my history class just FB messaged me saying they highly suggest I put my sunglasses on. He is sitting 18 rows in front of me...
I know it's not standard practice to meet the couple you donate to, but i'm curious as to what kind of people saw my picture and said, we want that girl's eggs
you're my knight in shining pee-resistant armor
She got tired so now we're making anyone who has a stupid idea go into her bedroom so she can sleepslur "good idea" or "baaaad idea." We're calling her the queen of the misguided.
Yesterday you said I was the best.
No. I said you DID your best. There's a huge difference.
Know anything about my roof collapsing last night?
Tequila.
I just want my paycheck, and my friends. And alcohol and tacos. Is that so much to ask?
Happy birthday and sorry I punched your friend in the face
The first thing I did when I got to the apartment was masturbate on the couch
Oh. Why can't it be something easy, like a punch card for blowjobs?
Its okay. I just know how you can text with your hands cuffed behind you back, so I had no idea what "oh shit" meant.
Randomize
