He wanted me to blow him while he was playing guitar hero. there will not be a second date
I went for the touchdown every play, and I think I ended up with herpes.
im pretty sure while i was fucking her my dog was fucking her dog too
He's warming up to shark week, by only eating fish and drinking vodka, and all the time he keeps yelling "death to the seals!"
Thanks for putting pants on me last night. And for calling me a princess.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
I'm hungover in the park, and some guy just handed me a business card for his church. I can feel Jesus' disapproval running through my fingertips
Its like the unofficial aniversary of the loss of her virginity. And I will be giving tours of the spot they did it in and showing how I'm serious when I say the grass doesn't grow there anymore.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
i am laugh crying so hard the guy next door stopped playing guitar
I went to McDonald's this morning still half drunk with penises drawn all over my body, when my card was declined the cashier asked if I needed Jesus
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
We're meant to be. Apparently God wants me to get dicked down pretty good too so I'm not complaining about destiny
I wasn't going to drink. Then there was alcohol so I gave that up.
Just letting you know that your little sister is now your eskimo brother. You can send a thank you edible arrangement to Tammy.
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