I just pynch a tree in the face
it was really awkward, he kept trying to get on the bed with us and we kept having to kick him back on the floor.
Even when three police cars surrounded us you kept telling us not to worry because 'only good things can happen'.
When we started taking double shots of vodka and chasing it with a lick of fruit roll-ups, I knew there'd be hell to pay in the morning.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
They invented the twister shot game. You put a shot on each circle, take it when you land on it, and if you fall, they funnel the mat and make you drink it. New best friends.
Her vagina felt like a fur coat. It was weird at first but I kinda liked it
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
WEED IS MY SPIRIT ANIMAL
That one probably shouldn't have been in caps
10/10 would definitely still fuck you dressed as squirrel
Well, I'm most mad that he lied to you (about being married)...but the CAT THING IS A CLOSE SECOND
I put miralax in my rum/coke. Go hard or go home.
Pretty sure I got pink eye from the strip club. There is also still beer cans rattling around in my shower.
I love my cat. she doesnt judge when i stumble in my house drunk and pass out on my floor. my dog looks at me disappointed.
He stopped the gas pump at 69 and gave me my receipt. He wants it.
Randomize
