Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
it glows. i had to have it.
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
My dad walked in on me masturbating in my own apartment.....my own apartment!!
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Do you have any idea how hard it is to hit on your nurse while getting an HIV test.
He just had a handle of vodka with ice in it yelling at people hot august night mother fuckaaaaa and was pouring it on his face
I just sang country roads at the top of my lungs with my cab driver. Tonight was a success.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
I wonder if a fish could survive in vodka
I could
The band last night was really good
That was definitely karaoke. Guess that answers my follow up question on how drunk you were.
Have you seen him ? Seriously. No one is that straight.
why did you put a dildo on the ceiling fan
the dildo had a suction cup and we had a ceiling fan what did you expect?
I woke up naked and surrounded by M&Ms
My uterus just tried to get me to buy a tub of cookie dough
Randomize
