Can I crash on your couch? I just came home to find my wife giving two guys blowjobs.
Two?
Two.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
She fucked me because she said I looked like Neil Patrick Harris
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
I really hope you aren't where I think you are. Dude she has a MUSTACHE. You need Jesus..
I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
we did shots in class this morning as part of a presentation. WHY AM I LEAVING THIS COUNTRY?!
I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
Fuck you, if it wasn't for us going to the city, she would be using me as a human sex toy all day.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
The fact that I made out with a twenty one year old father is kind of worrying me now. Like. This is exactly what I wasn't supposed to do in life.
I would like to reiterate that I went to give lessons and ended up having a three way instead
As a gift to myself for being so awesome at being single, I'm going to buy a vibrator
Randomize