this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
does anyone know how to get red sharpie out of a white cat?
So the next morning, she had to tell her kids we were moving furniture around all night.
I want to know him. He looks like he makes really good breakfast burritos.
In their defense you were hugging a watermelon for a good portion of the trip
There are too many people and smells in this elevator for my hangover to handle.
I really enjoy how cavalier you're being about your chlamydia
I'm putting my hangover kit in my car for the trip to work tomorrow morning. Dedication
There is nothing wrong with watching parks and rec all day then getting blackout drunk by night
I'm pretty sure the rest of my evening will consist of masturbating, drinking tequila and watching children's movies.
Its amazing how creative youll get when your house has been out of toilet paper for a week and a half
I just bought a slurpee and condoms. God bless America.
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
i made that whipped coffee shit today. took six pouches of instant espresso.
please tell me you didn’t consume six shots of espresso
:)
i can feel colors
Randomize
