Nights of college: 1. Virgins: 1. Yes.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
just started drinking the sprite you used to ice your crotch last night. Missing you already
The problem with having your drunkeness documented at a wedding is not only does it show up all over facebook, but all over professional photography websites.
I gave you a 45 minute blowjob. You were inside me for 3 minutes. I'm going to need you to get your shit together.
I was in the library and saw 2 dudes hackysacking in a study room with 3 girls working. I asked if I could join; as soon as I closed the door the chicks offered me tequila shots. study session w/everyone cancelled, I'm busy.
Im going..... Drinking all day and hand jobs from 18yr old emo rich girls that are just trying to get back at mom and dad for being to protective...SOLD
Can we please get on skype for like 20 seconds so i can show you my penis and the spiderman temporary tattoo that is right above it
I like the wholesome side of you
I'm so goddamned horny I could use all my pent up energy to tear a redwood out by its roots.
Damn why is there no horse blowjob emoji?
I feel like if anyone knew what an affection erection looked like it would be you
Seriously I'm dying. All my insides are fighting their way out of me. With light sabers and machetes.
Omg cinnamon bun Oreos. Thanks weed
He finished and he wasn't even totally hard. He actually came without a boner.
HOW IS THAT EVEN POSSIBLE.
Randomize
