He had a number 3 tattooed on his penis. And when I asked what it meant, he said " you know like dale earnhardt, the intimidator".
I don't know if it was the room or her, but as soon as the pants came off, it smelt like a locker room and old man farts.
its great to know that you distinguish your relationships on whether you can cum on someone's face
He ended up letting us go, I think he just felt sorry for us. It's the only time that my night's gotten worse after I've taken my pants off.
He insisted on us having sex while watching the biggest loser and asked me if I could "resist the temptation".
Also got home. Still stoned. Mom was up. We made a pizza and were writing a children's book. Sleep good.
Perfect. And my grandma just called me and talked to me for eighteen minutes telling me that she was worried because of my Halloween costume that I'm not a Christian and that I'm not eating. Wtf.
Okay. This morning the comforter was wet, you were underwearless and using a tiny blanket. What'd you do??
apparently they stopped looking at spit swabs under the microscope in bio ever since they found a sperm cell in one students sample
Went to work in the same clothes from last night, completely covered in glitter...I didn't choose the hag life, the hag life chose me
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
strip teases shouldnt end with an expensive car covered in salsa and mayonnaise yet here we are
...and now I welcome the sweet embrace of death.
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
I miss the pre Covid days when we could meet men in bars. Hitting on guys in the grocery store is just depressing
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