i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
I almost didn't wake up for my first day of work. The 3rd bottle of champagne was a mistake. And the 2nd bottle of wine after that was probably excessive
Just took my morning after pill in the library
i walked into his room and he was eskimo kissing his weed..
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
i wasn't about to bring her gummy handcuffs to her father's funeral
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
He showed up at my house, drunk, proclaiming that he needed to fuck me...my dad let him in
I asked him why the bed was wet and got.."well there are two options... and its not you."
Preparing for the bar exam has made my whatever disorder you said I have act up again
Oooo yea. You face planted on my bed but only half your body made it so you noodled onto the floor but kept saying prepare to be murdered which is when you started taking your pants off but stopped at your ankles cause it was too hard
It is a fiery spray of napalm-covered beautiful words that leave a flaming "fuck you" on the ground after I destroy him.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Sorry for peeing on your books last night. I wouldn't leave them next to the window anymore.
Plus my parents would be pissed if I spent Thanksgiving in jail... again.
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