these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
TIT CHECK! TIT CHECK! ALERT! ALERT!!!!
People were autographing me. I'm like the spring break yearbook
I think i smell like relationship. That's my problem.
one of the RAs is here. he told me his name is optimus prime and then took his shirt off and fell down
May or may not have just lost a contact hanging out Anthony's sunroof. Drunk. Hint: I can only see out of one eye right now.
I have to deal with three things I do not like this weekend. Pooping in toilets that are not mine. Air mattresses. Not beating off in the shower.
She just shoved like three McNuggets in her mouth and started sobbing and I have no idea what's going on.
You went through my pantry and left one of everything in the box. One cracker. One cheesit. One piece of cereal. I really fucking hate you.
I wish you were awake and high the same times I was awake and high. And also in the same state. So we can fuck passionately.
If there's one thing I learned yesterday, it's that if I really wanted to I could be mayor of Toronto.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
Randomize
