I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
I think I'm on the verge of a really slutty period in my life
I think it was you who decided that coming home at 3AM and cooking eggs topless was the best way to end our night. Eating the scrambled eggs off each other's boobs, that was ellie's idea
She had another shot and asked if I wanted to taste her tongue ring. Then I helped her pee.
I want to die. Marc and I were making out in the hallway and fell into a fire hose in a glass case. It shattered everywhere. Everyone thought we fell out a window. I think I have glass in my back. Awesome.
Every time I try to stand up the back of my head feels like a bunch of little elves are beating the inside of my scalp with their toy making tools. What disease could this be?
It feels like im being cuddled by a thousand little smurf vaginas
I've got 2 dollars. How do I turn this into alcohol?
Just got attacked by a family of raccoons, I have the worst luck.
I'm having a hard time existing right now. When I figure out how it works ill be over.
This doesn't mean I'm going to attempt to find happiness with smooshy dick
Just whisper "I fucked your boyfriend" in her ear and be done with it.
Good morning 7am walk of shame. It's been awhile.
so i was thinking... those 6 am shots weren't really needed.
Randomize
