Its ok. I handled the situation with grace and class. lol jk i got shitfaced and fucked his roomate.
I knew we would be good together when you made me lick jameson off your boob while you screamed along with racks on racks
she asked him to cuddle cuz she was cold and instead he got up, moved the space heater to her side of the bed, and went back to sleep
Whos eating a bunch of acid and watching fireworks tomorrow? This guy. Thats who.
Fuck. I have to get my shit together by lunch. Mission impossible.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
I stopped for beer and woke up to a bird on my shoulder. I really need to stop drinking
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
Day two of not drinking, I think my cat is trying to eat me.
Psychosis secondary to sobriety???
Who's the naked guy asleep in your car?
I wouldn't marry anyone who wouldn't symbolically fuck a doughnut with a sausage though.
His parents came home, and now I'm hiding in a closet; awaiting death at dawn.
You are always hiding in a closet though??
It was 3 am when she drunkenly tried to deep-fry a banana.
How'd she do that?
How do I explain to work that I woke up in my underwear on a trampoline and that I'm not coming in?
I went to the nurse and she literally told me I was too sexually active and wrote me a prescription for 7 days of pelvic rest...... Hahahhahaha
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