well, 500 bucks doesn't grown on trees, and i need that bear suit for any chance of vagina access.
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
I'm in the bar bathroom about to pass out. But it's ok cause I set my alarm to go off for last call
I found him. We're on the way back to the condo. He was sitting in the lifeguard stand letting people passing by take pictures of his nipples for a buck each..he made 15 dollars
I take back all of the insults I've ever said toward those money makers
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
I'm going to shower the piss off me now. I feel like I was in an R. Kelly dream.
Because at some point last night we decided that shotgunning beers from a paint stick was a good idea
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I shit myself. Legit. And I burnt my tongue. Unrelated incidents, but related in the sense of general discomfort.
We weren't even through customs yet, and we got offered weed. You would love Jamaica.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I didn't know. I guess I really haven't had that much time for drinking lately. I mean, outside drinking at home/work.
oh so have I but I'd still suck a dick or 20 in the name of freedom.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
Hey, um, after thinking about it, I decided I really don't want to use applying olive oil to your ass for your fissure as part of foreplay because... well... really? Just read that again.
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