Did I tell you he has dinosaur sheets?
So. Did i wake up at 430, try to drive home, stop to throw up at a shell, and try to clean out my car and drop my keys in a full dumpster? Yes.
so either half this theatre is as stoned as me, or day daybreakers is hilarious
Well, think of it this way, if this were 200 years ago your father would have received the most goats in all the village for your fertile loins. Think about that.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
please don't fuck her on my bed i'm too poor for laundry quarters
Breakfast of champions
Is that a dick crepe?
It is indeed
Nothing like having your house arrest ankle bracelet vibrate and take a moisture sample at the exact moment you're about to blow it in some chick...buzzkill
I told a 250 pound football player I would catch him if he jumped into my arms. And that is how I broke my wrist
I believe in weed hangovers. To say the least.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
At 3:00am my whole house started smelling like cooking meat. I have no idea why she thought it was a good idea to crock-pot a WHOLE turkey that early in the morning.
Just ate 2 pieces of pizza in the shower.. New low or fuckin brilliant??
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
Does it still count as a threesome if one girl left halfway through cause we were having too much sex?
Fuck you for even being able to ask that question
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