i just know my balls have never hurt this bad before
Thanks for the ave Maria song you left on my phone that lasted for TEN minutes.
Their was just 7 people standing outside eating a costco chicken, definitley at the right party
Jello bowls to the fucking face, that or ramen spiked with liq. Those are the only options in this house.
$150 bar tab covered by these tits. That's now the going rate. Keeping my bra on during sex unless i see the Benjamins.
Just thought you should know that we coat checked our fairy wings last night. Getting belly up to the bar was way more important that wearing our costumes.
I feel bad for the cleaning lady. All you can smell is latex and Jaegermeister
It's cool, I power napped on the dryer while they were fucking in the bathroom so I'm good to go now. Where are you?
I did my walk of shame through a safeway at 8am to get YOUR hangover bagels. You're welcome asshole
Now theyre filling the kiddie pool water with boxes and boxes of jello powder and im not sure if thats a sign i should leave or what
We made out and he didn't grope me. I liked it. I felt like I was innocent again.
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Your shit was massive.
I'm not 100% sure how to respond to that.
If you were in a "who has the massivest shit contest", you'd win by a landslide.
Randomize