just woke up in the beanbag bin at walmart
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just convinced airport security that im sober. All i do is win.
My cousin had a baby so we have to look at it. Apparently the event is byob
At some point, it turned less into sparring and more into tough guy dry humping.
Don't tell me 'the Fonzie' doesn't work. Went to see Shakespeare high and gave the sign to the dude playing Macbeth. Now at a cast party getting blown. All hail the Fonz.
So how was the sex with me last night?
No worse than usual.
GOVERNMENT SHUTDOWN NO RULES ICE CREAM FOR BREAKFAST woooo!
I'll be home soonish I need 4th of July sex, it's the American thing to do.
I tried to trade my phone for pizza last night. I guess I had priorities last night
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
YOUUUU FUCKING FURRYYYY
I DIDN'T COME HERE TO BE SLANDERED LIKE THIS
I guess I was running around slapping people in the face with a slice of turkey telling them that the only way to beat alcohol addiction is to go cold turkey.
but next to his bed he has a bible, and on the bible he has a pbr coaster and a condom. how can i stay mad at that? Its amazing.
She just texted me saying "come over and eat me out, my vagina smells like honey glazed ham." I know I shouldn't be, but i'm just so curious.
Randomize
