When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
two of my INSANE ex girlfriends just texted me saying their coming over because im home alone. needless to say, im deleting my twitter.
trsut me youll find me, im the only kanye west here and every1 is chanting dbag at me
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
I havent jerked off in so long, my dick literally prevented me from rolling over in my sleep this morning. new definition of painful?
its impossible for me to find something that fits my tits my muffin top and my ass all at the same time
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
All I remember from the concert was leaving in an RV full of middle aged people playing circle of death
My vday gift was a joint bouquet, Finding Nemo on bluray, and a good shower fuck.
Um, WHAT A FUCKING KEEPER!
I'm using my ex bfs phone number to look up his Kroger card so I can get a discount on condoms...yep this is my life
So everything was good he was big spoon I was little spoon and then I got peed on
You woke up butt naked, peed yourself said something about jumbo shrimp, and passed back out 10 seconds ltr..
You just sat there staring at your apple and saying "I'm so glad you're here" to it every time you took a bite.
I think every girl deserves a pregnancy scare. Because then it just feels like such a priviledge to be bleeding out of the vagina.
I legit just did a jig towards my box of tampons.
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
Randomize
