ad ew i am wasted whats my problem
I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
thanks for showing me a good time......and your penis a few times. Thanks especially for that.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
I recommend we watch the Super Bowl together and have celebratory sex if we win. Good news is I don't have a team I dislike so were guaranteed a win.
Dude I thought she was trying to turn my dick inside out
So how exactly do I backtrack from motorboating and ass grabbing?
This is stupid. I am not getting knocked up from fucking in his backseat behind a starbucks. I refuse.
I love the fact that my Mom has been present at 90% of my drug deals.
almost dropped my phone in the toilet but it somehow bounced off my tit and landed on the floor. Boobs: saving me hundreds of dollars in bar tabs and smartphones since '09
Smoked a joint with mom, best Thanksgiving ever!
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
You know when you're a kid and you play at the pool until you passed out? It was like that except instead of playing it was sex.
I’m planning a Pharmasutra for the first night after the pandemic ends
Pharmasutra?
Me + Chris + cocktails + viagra = night of orgasms
Randomize
