hey in girl talk does "want to come over tonight and have some beers with me?" mean i want wiener?
remember them days when you seriously wanted your mom to marry rev run and we would always talk shit about justine?
joeyyyy why you always taken cheeseburgers from me?!?!?!
So I've been thinking a lot since she told me she's prego. But what I want to know is why my voice of reason sounds like Thomas fucking Jane!?
The nice sales man at 711 gave me a handful of free lighters for buying a carton of cigarettes. I guess the depressed damsel in distress look works for me.
He def has a gf... But hes 7 feet tall and that superceeds any morality I may have.
the can pyramid on my head actually reached a decent height before I moved.
New rule during sex: if it causes you to take your rings off, don't do it.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
Just turned your apartment into a democracy and were voting on who takes shots next
I'll ask around, all of my friends have girlfriends now for the most part though so they're all dead inside
I turned off my domesticated goddess switch over 2 years ago and idk how to turn it back on. So in the mean time I'll dodge this gf bullet and eat free steak for as long as possible
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
Mike fell asleep with his hand down my pants. I'm clearly an enticing person.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
I want to conceive our bastard child on an athletic field. Why can't we make this happen?
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