so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
i'm high and 74% sure there's a monster in my closet
lesson learned: don't narrate out loud about how a girl is giving you head while she's doing it
You were humming mission impossible as we ran from the cops
I literally saw him try to open a beer can with his anus. We need o step up our game.
Wanna go watch Transformers and scream "AMERICA!"? I need a no thought activity
Typical Sunday afternoon purchase of condoms and a helium tank.
The fact that when I blacked in you were sober enough to kick me out of your roommates bed makes me question our friendship.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
On another note, convinced a 9 year old my hickey was actually a zombie bite.
Technically my penis started a fight tonight
Nothing bonds a father and daughter like washing her puke off the front steps
I have to take tonight off from shenanigans. My liver is planning a coup
Heat not working dressed like an eskimo. A real one with a ski sock on my junk
What's that? Is there a bottle of Jack calling me? I think so...
Randomize
