Baby momma caught me doing baby daddy in reverse cowgirl. She kicked me out and i have no clothes, come get me.
I hope you walked the shit out of that shame.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
She's holding my hand. I'm going to kill myself.
im glad we only fight about serious things like the hills and disney scene it
i've been fucking this guy since february and just found out he might be uncircumsized. currently google image searching to confirm.
You need Jesus. Or a midol and a snickers. Whichever.
stephanie tanner's voice is so fucking annoying. no wonder she resorted to crystal meth.
Everything smells like beer. Everything. But I cant drag myself out of bed to take a shower. So beer it is.
We could be hammered at a childrens film. You failed me
Well going home with a Ralph Lauren model helped me get over him real fuckin' quick. Would recommend it for all women going through breakups
We were having a serious discussion about Blue's Clues and I just kept thinking, 'you've seen me naked'.
Shaving your balls drunk sounds like a good idea untill you do it
Mom and dad should be so proud half of their children have gotten naked in the same local grocery store
I just had a dream that I was fighting Donald Trump... Gotta stop watching the news before bed
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
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