I want to take things slow emotionally, but fast physically
It's like she bought one bad life decision and got one free
So then you challenged the bartender to an arm wrestling contest for a free bottle of vodka
Sweet. Did I win?
Youre hungover arent you?
I don't really want to have sex with him, I'd just want him in a threesome. Does that make sense?
Might as well permanently tattoo lush somewhere on my body and show it to people when I decide to drink so they won't serve me.
Why did you load my phone up with pics of Al Gore?
She told me she ate a whole pizza today, and I just wanted to hug her forever.
I ended up in bed with a man from London in a sorority wing I am not apart of. Tequila fucks you up
My life is a video game called get the drunk princess back to her castle, thank you to all that participated
You had a fry stuck to your face... Every five mins you would wake up, take a bite, put it back then fall asleep again...
ill dress up as a sperm donor and you can go as the cup....
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
"I licked someones beard, because I can."
I got arrested FOR running from the cops. In college Dad got arrested and THEN ran from the cops. So it could be worse.
Next time I think it’s a good idea to hook up with any of your wife’s family members or friends just kick me in my dick
Randomize
