hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
grinding to god bless the USA? really?
shut up
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
They should make Jack Daniels chap stick
great, thanks for announcing that I gave you head over twitter
at least I said it was good
I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
Just got thank you sex for shoveling the driveway. I cant wait for the next blizzard
He taught me how to drive a stick by using his dick. He even made the whurrrr noise so I knew when to change gears.
Goldfish can't live in a bowl filled with tequila, lesson learned.
Fuck I keep finding new battle scars from our fight. Justin told me I stabbed you with a broom handle.. Do you remember ripping my pants off?
Yes he was puking but in the only light of the whole parking lot and he was resting in the patch of clovers and he just was a garden fairy
Wait. Wine + Crossbow..?
No. I either had a 6 minute orgasm or I had so many I lost count. I'm still not sure.
Randomize
