So i'm in mason getting an ultrasound.. and there are a bunch of hicks in here with their wild ass children and this one young mom yells at her kid "harley sit!"
You should introduce yourself as garth. As in garth brooks.
Stars make me really horny. Especially that shiny one its just staring at me.
foreplay: 7 minutes. sex: 3 minutes. cuddling: 10 minutes. getting dressed: 5 minutes. commute: 5 minutes.
Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
He said he loved me so I pretended not to hear it because I don't think "I love your penis" was the response he was looking for.
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
She's currently celebrating her completion of "Sober October" with "Margarita Shit-Show November."
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just finished my quantum homework in ladies room writing with eyeliner. I am the party/physics champion.
Vodka tonic time....wish me luck!
Go for it my man. I'm saving my shit show night for tomorrow. Gonna make it a big one just to let the entire bar know why I'm single
conclusion from last night: i should wear boob glitter more often
5 seconds ago I had no idea that a fart could travel so fastly thru the tanning bed. I taste it in the back of my neck.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
Can you pay somone's bail with a credit card or just cash? I feel like you would know this.
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize