Im watching he's just not that into you, eating way too much pizza, and feeling very single.
fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
Met some locals. They are taking me to a place where there is topless bullriding. I love this country.
Got a basket, 50 condoms, some candy, 100 plastic eggs & my bunny costume. Campus will feel my wrath in 2 weeks
I don't have any food so I made a martini so I could eat the olives. Don't tell me I can't think outside the box.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
Yeah it'll definitely be worth it. Not having syphilis all the time you know
You just can't finish a sentence that starts with "I may have drunk peed in the bed" with "do you mind if I skip work and sleep here?" Anyways, yeah still drunk at work.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
all night she kept rolling over and mumbling something about wanting an extendable retractable urethra.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I just got a robo call from the Addiction Help Line. Not sure how to take that.
I just pulled back the shower curtain to reveal Cinnamon Toast Crunch and a spoon in the bathtub. Ambien is a hell of a drug.
Why did I wake up next to the fire pit? And who wrapped me up like a burrito?
Jägerbombs. Thank Sara.
Give me a few. Gonna ride the rollercoaster.
Randomize
