The bird has been looking kind of ugly lately...gotta look nice to fly with the hawk ya know?
so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.
so how much did i say i owed you?
$5 and a new fuck buddy.
No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
He's either a really good actor or an actual prince, I'm fine with both so I'll sleep with him.
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
We JUST got rid of the new years fatties at my gym and now the spring break fatties are here. goddamn.
Dude, if she brings up the lube, you know nothing
She scratched my sunburn during sex. I didn't know whether to cry or cum
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
i don't think i have enough personality to make it through this date sober.
You ruined the universe
What the fuck dude?
Sorry bro...
YOU HUMPED ME FOR AN HOUR WHILE YELLING "I GOTTA ASSERT DOMINANCE"
Randomize
