Dude, the girl next to me just farted. Worst part, it smells like astroglide
True love is taking a shit with the one you love in the bathroom with you.
got some bad news about ur virginity. she didnt make it thru the night
I feel like people whose favorite movie is Donnie Darko should not be allowed to talk. Ever.
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
Dude, smoked out of a pumpkin tonight. I like Halloween more now
Do you remember using the heel of your shoe as a shish kabob stick? You offered me some chicken, but I declined.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
Just found an "inspected with pride" sticker on or around my vagina
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
Also I had a dream we made my birth control into a joint. What does that mean?
ders ninda duuude pooring goden shots ov glory. I see em an i dont but there hear.
are you attempting voice recognition while drunk again?
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
Three times. Three times I left home yesterday in search for sex, and three times I returned un-orgasmed.
This is why we can never be just regular friends. The shit we do is not regular
Randomize
