dude your girlfriend loves you alot..she yelled your name lastnight in bed
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
He called me from prison intake to wish me luck on my job interview. Somehow that's the most romantic thing that's ever happened to me.
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
he asked if i wanted their team name to be " Amandas angels" or " Fuk budies" either way an intermural softball team of all my hook ups from spring semester is just depressing. convenient but depressing
It wasn't a mystery that it was the pizza cooking in the oven when we stumbled out of the bedroom in a smoke filled apartment at 2am. We are dangerous drunks
She brought me back a blanket from Mexico, then we had sex on it
He stumbled out of the bathroom with his pants around his ankles yelling "tie my shooes!"
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
fucked him on the porch to avoid the chanting that always happens when we leave the bedroom. backfired when a group of freshman walked by and started screaming like fucking babies.
Hold on gotta plunge the sink
Is that a euphemism for sex? Either way, have a good time
my nurturing instincts told me to take his clothes off
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
Did a 4 pm walk of GLORY the next day.
I'm seriously considering starting a savings account so I'll have bail money this summer.
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