The midget we rented got so drunk last night he got carted off in an ambulance
With such a small dick you'd think he'd try to make up for it with some sort of personality.
I made out with the bride. You tell me how my night was
the awesomeness of being snowed in wore off after we ran out of beer and we realized we really didnt want to be stuck with everyone.
Oh boy...do i want the 'something you can tell your mom in 10 yrs' version or the 'Im gonna call you a whore but be proud' version?
To the genius that put everclear in my humidifier: your time is coming.
I was out with the drag queens until 7am. This is the hangover I needed to kick my ass back to sobriety. Dear Virgin Mary, fuck my life.
That chick who made out with a door is here. Want her number??
drinking from the bathtub cause I'm too lazy to walk downstairs and too thirsty to care
Pretty sure my body is in shock, I shouldn't feel this ok after last nite.
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
well whats the tarot card for I'm totes going to be schlobbing his cob? because that's in his future.
Ugh I don't want to adult today. I need like a dozen more coffees. Or cookies. They're interchangeable.
just had a woman ask me to donate my eggs so that her baby could look like me. don't know whether to get a restraining order or be flattered. thoughts?
Howd last night go?
well he stumbled in my parents door drunk and then asked my mom if she was my grandma. Id say as far as first impressions go, he failed miserably
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