Who wears a wallet chain?!
Sex tip #67: Jizz in the eye is very near the equivalent to pepper spray. Not recommended for pleasure enhancement.
He used his penis as a puppet and sang Rihanna's Hard..... so no, we will never see each other again.
The frequency that you give me blue balls couldn't be healthy.
Chasing 100 proof soco w water from the tap at 4 pm, it's gonna one of those kinda Thursdays...
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
I called him a "Beautiful Bastard" with "Beautiful Bastard Hair". That is how you pick up a guy from Denmark.
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
Hey, you know that marble art statue thing in your bedroom? Hypothetically what would happen if a penis got stuck in it?
But did u die
I found an onion in my purse
I need a hoe opinion
go on
I REALLY NEED TO STOP CELEBRATING THAT FUCKING HOLIDAY
Definitely woke up.this morning to a random girls head in my toilet and her mom knocking on my door.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
Randomize
