your butthole totally puckers for the ginge
At first I felt shameful, waking up naked next to a box of oreos and half a can of cake frosting...then I realized, this could be a bigger discovery than Atlantis.
I'm sitting at the bar eating dinner next to a nerd, a guy in a 10 gallon hat, and a policeman. I feel like I joined The Village People
ew. I made a sandwich, and the cheese reminded me of her vagina
im downtown. alone. lost. drunk. dressed as santa. dont find me. i just heard someone say mechanical bull.
Find out what day classes start and I will come down to Richmond that weekend. Any broad who claims to be 18-21 will be promptly ID'd. My job has trained me to spot a fake from a mile away, and I don't need a statutory rape charge.
Why isn't there a sort by hair color option on Facebook? It would make stalking much easier.
The best part of tonight is drunk commenting on my moms pic about how birds just want to give you diseases and pluck out your eyes
Were you drinking last night?
Because typically I don't associate the phrase 'Go sleepy time' with sobriety.
The uberlube is also flammable
My goal for the weekend: procure a blowjob using only stern glances, hand gestures, and crudely-drawn stick figures.
Welcome to Missouri, the show me your genitals state.
we fucked in the backseat of my car at the observatory, right under the stars. it was a starry, orgasmic filled night
There needs to be a greeting card for "I miss having sex and smoking weed with you."
Morning! Got your 3am VM to remind you to get up for spin class and also confirm you were not murdered by the sketchy guy at brunch yesterday. So this is your literal and metaphorical wake up call.
Randomize
