I don't think I can get bothered with getting laid tonight
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
at the resort hottubing with french twins, who brought champange. this should be a postcard.
you started crying about dinosaurs being extinct
that's why i woke up holding that dina girls hand
she's a dina-saur
Y'know, without the cops, it would've just been us daydrinking,
I stole another quarter from the bathroom. I'm slowly getting rich drinking here.
I think im gonna bang this 35 year old at a kids birthday party in the bathroom at this house while the kids open the presents.
The bed I'm sleeping in has a headboard only handcuffs could love. I'm gonna pick up a local dude and wreck that.
Im going to be coked out with hello kitty fire arms. Valentines day can suck my dick
Do you think if 10 year old us knew that we would be passing out in a McDonalds after a hefty night of drinking, and 23 McChickens, they'd change anything?
I'm gonna die. First I'm gonna throw up. But then I'm gonna die.
He wants to pour butter pecan flavored coffee creamer on me and lick it off. I'm like, dude, gross. French Vanilla ok? Ugh.
I should not be able to sum up my life with a taco brand motto...
It's not my fault I make her feel like a Taylor Swift album
My sister can't give you a handjob and us still be bros.
Randomize
