she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
She's gonna be fat in the future. On a side note I had a "It's not you, it's me." conversation with a bottle of jack last night.
Yeah, I just met her and we got arrested together. I think it was a good bonding experience.
Today's work quote "if I looked like you, I'd be sitting on everyones face"
Most of the bar is playing trivia I'm playing destroy a relationship in twenty questions
Sorry for rubbing my feet on you and repeating "good pony, stay."
Dude. I realize why I got sick. 8 shots three beers in an hour. Plus I ate an expired lunchable earlier.
I made everything so magnificently awkward in under 15 seconds. I am magic.
When in doubt, it's too much cheese
Dude! We had to write our address on your arm in permanent marker so you wouldn't get lost. You just showed the cabbie your arm and he drove you! Nice guy.
Road head absolutely translates. That's the beauty of road head... It's so portable!
My disney ticket is covered in lube, do you think they will accept it?
There’s nothing that says motivation more than watching these little geniuses on Kids Baking Championship New Year’s Day. I’m ready to fuck shit up this year.
He's eating a sriracha ravioli sandwich. How do you think the night is going?
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
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