he's 24. he finally texted me instead of using facebook chat. baby steps.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
Following a car with a GPS. We don't know where he's going, but he probably has a better idea of where we're going than we do. Also, very high.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Would it be in bad taste to ask Marky Mark to sign the vibrator I named after him?
Getting cock-blocked by Jeff Bridges. NOT OKAY.
Yeah I just gotta do it so that my major doesn't find out. Doesn't look good having a stripper teach your 3rd grader
Just wanted you to know two things, 1st I sent the second thing to a broad ive been talking too. 2nd that was not just a fart.
He sent me a 7 minute voicemail of him playing wonderwall on the acoustic guitar I'm not even kidding did he seriously think that would work
I AM OFFERING YOU ALCOHOL AND THE CHANCE TO LET ME SAY FUCK IT TO MY RESPONSIBILITIES. HOW MANY TIMES DOES THIS HAPPEN?!
He kept kissing me on the cheek when I was pretending to sleep while he cried
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
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