i cleaned the weed out of my bowl, pretended it was a spoon and ate oatmeal with it. my mom cried
Come outside. The vendor wants to go out strong tonight! Russian hooker interviews. Don't ask. We leave in 3 minutes.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
I'll make a Jello mold of your face so everyone can get drunk off your face
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Basically I learned last night that if you're too polite people will think it's okay to play with your nipples when really its not even a little okay
Uh yeah. I ate a brick of cheese. Didn't even cut it. We were admiring the teeth marks I was leaving. We decided it was the negative of my mouth
how sketchy is it to eat a candy wrapped in masking tape from reggae night? because we totally just split it...
What shitty, shitty thing could you possibly tell me that doesnt top the fact that i got hammered and showed everyone i could shit while running
I would really just like to get laid somewhere that's not on a bathroom floor at this point in my life
If you need us, Zoe and I will be on my kitchen floor drinking Gatorade and crying
Hired a new intern today and we have something in common. I blew her boyfriend in high school. Do you think she knows?
I slid a quarter down a drunk man's butt crack last night. Qdoba gets rowdy
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
Idk, I know when I drink vodka my bi side comes out and I just want to make out with a girl
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