I just watched a girl at work pick her nose with 4 of her 5 fingers. So I now know what sausage biscuits taste like in vomit form.
We were busted for public indecency in the back of my car in the parking lot. This time we were just reading my Cosmo magazine.
Had her hockey skates on in the house. Whole floor is ruined.
I think the name vodka for a girl is amazing
Life seems so much brighter and more vibrant after you have sex with a 20 year old. It's like how Kansas was in black and white and Oz was in technicolor.
Yep I can make a seagull sound. It's identical. I tried it. They thought I was talking to them. It's pretty cool.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
I danced with a french guy who licked the sweat off my neck and poured a drink on me. Not gonna lie, that shit was refreshing
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
He came and farted at the same time. My life is over.
HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT HOLY SHIT
So I just ran in to the Couger you saw me take home last month who i haven't talked to since then at Wawa and she was PISSED.. APPARENTLY i fucked her niece last week
We just did a u turn on the highway to settle a dispute in a game of slug bug
i just swapped my iPhone for a happy meal. this is greg btw, the hooker let me borrow her phone
I did not marry a roomba.
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
Randomize
