No seriously, I have to sell the house because my wife found out I'm gay.
She told you broke her computer after the little square in tetris wouldn't rotate for you...
i can't, i'm blowing bubbles in class and getting credit for it
So from the residue on my balls I think it was mashed potatoes she had in her mouth
when we woke up the fish was dead lying next to us on the bed. wat should i tell her
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
He came in 20 minutes late for his final wearing plastic bags on his feet, and a tablecloth cape. Explain.
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
I wonder how your parents would feel if the scarf they gave me for Christmas is mainly being used for a blindfold during sex...
Yea. I feel great. My life is great. My job isn't as shitty. And my daddy loves me. I love strip clubs. Great self esteem boost.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
Free stuff before I even put his balls in my mouth like wow great start
I don't know how to say "Sorry I was banging your boyfriend before I knew about you but you're awesome and we should hang out." without just saying it.
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
