I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
This old guy in denny's is sitting alone and he is looking at us and laughing for no reason
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
I love how its suddenly "not all about sex" now that he can't get it up
Someone changed my text signature to "Also, I think I might be gay" last night. Also, I think I might be gay
are you aware you chucked your pizza at a girl's face after the bar last night?
omg dinner turned into a foam party this is weiriiid
Me+graduation party+hammered drunk+polish horseshoes in the dark= black eye, crying, pissed, passed out in my dress... How was your weekend?
She said I'm so hungry I could eat a dick and winked at me
I may or may not be wearing slippers and a TMNT hat. This thing better not have a dress code.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
It's the 3rd day of the year and I've already sucked two dicks. New year same ole me.
The cup holder in my recliner holds a whole bottle of wine. That's definitely a sign.
Is it rude to say "I hate you because you live inside Hillary Clinton's asshole"?
Anyhow. He gives me orgasms and cuddles and buys me dinner and alcohol. Ill keep him around and cross that other girl bridge when we get there ha ha
Randomize
