Please, let me fuck your mom
Just made ouyt with a dude on the real wporld...I said I dont want my face blired out
One of the cleaning ladies on my floor just screamed from the bathroom
Woke up this morning 8 levels higher in Call of Duty then when I started drinking... told you I was better when I was drunk.
Send me the video of myself under the polar bear skin. It's important.
She is screaming bc she thinks you jumped out the window...please show her you just went out for a smoke
Drunk me wrote a bucket list last night. #4 is "hate fuck a childhood enemy". Can we make this happen?
I saw pigeons eating ur dried up puke today. Last night was fucking great
Reading an example in the GRE study book referencing Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles while wearing TMNT pajamas. *airfist*
omg please tell me you're eating pizza right now too.
Not after That Night. No. I hate tequila. And it hates me. Very mutual hateship going on.
Drunk yet?
Well I just did the worm on an empty dance floor while the bridesmaids were serving cake. You tell me.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
What's a nice way of saying 'I wish I hadn't fucked you.'
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
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