Just be blunt and say drink from my dick
He told me they were just razor bumps!
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
He just brought me a wine glass. Full of Tequila. Ignore any texts after this one.
Saw an eatery called Rusty Taco. That sooo could be me.
I just found like 5 packs of sparklers. If someone doesn't get set on fire tonight I am retiring from party hosting.
We're attempting to get a tally of how may people puked last night...Please respond with your vomit status.
Jared is "trying to bite a strangers hat off" drunk. Oh, and that stranger is a girl at a table of 5 guys, one girl.
I might have been the first person to be rolling balls at a referee seminar
I accidentally kneed him in the balls while trying to straddle him so we ended up spending the night watching ffm porn online
My head is just one big fuzz right now.. Its like someone replaced my brain with a teddy bear
I declared today 'Have a Bloody Mary Naked Day'. Why? Because I'm hungover, thirsty & don't want to bother putting on clothes.
Let's just say, I'm pretty sure you're banned from Skype.... like, forever.
Apparently i'm now known as the kid who was double fisting tequila and pedialyte.
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Randomize
