I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
the brownie started to kick in before i finished the essay... it became a race against my own increasing intoxication
Yeah i knew he wasn't okay when he told me he was "seeing his vision"
ok so I've decided, new penis Thursday (formally known as new people Thursday) will need to be put on hold next week in preparation for Friday
Memorial weekend is the following week genius. New penis Thursday countdown has already begun.
Smoked Hookah in the playhouse last night. Childhood was so fun.
SHE SITS THERE LIKE A DICK LIKE AN ACTUAL DICK JUST LIMP AND DUMB AND BLAH
blowjobs from left handed girls are noticably better than from righties. these are the most important things I've learned this semester
She failed the Charleston discretion test, although puking in her armpit was very innovative.
A prostitute stole us beer at 3 am
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
We can't stop being roommates, you do such a good job of holding my hair back when I puke. I don't wanna buy hair elastics.
I had one beer! ONE BEER! They took shots in mourning of my tolerance last night. My ability to drink is a joke.
I went in the hotel's jacuzzi fully clothed, threw up in the bathroom half an hour later and woke up naked next to Dr. Seuss' "Oh the Places You'll Go"
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
I'm a peeled potato compared to her. I'm a peeled potato compared to anyone. I'm a peeled potato.
Are you high?
Randomize
