We stole some shitttt from king sooper's. fuck yeaaa
what did you steal
frozen pizza, cat litter, and preperation H. not much different than my usual grocery list.
i think i want to fuck a midget just to see how difficult it would be
i have no concept of time, i feel my nose, and im seeing everything in bitty hexagons.
he's sitting on top of the fridge in only a black speedo and wont get down
Thanks for getting me home last night.
No worries. I'll always be there for you, just like Mufasa.
he made me feel like a shish kabob. his dick was the skewer.
and you said he wasn't worth calling.
Fairly certain I cracked a rib. Masturbation is not for the weak. I die now.
I was ok with it until you started yelling " just the tip!" I know she's you gf but don't backseat drive the three-way.
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
My cousin is passed out in my room, so I just masturbated in my walk-in closet. Apparently I get off on danger. Make note of that.
So this is completely apropos of nothing, but I have a feeling that a friend of mine might be a good match for you. Can I set you two up on a date? Oh, and it seems that we live a block away from each other and aren't having sexy times. This is ridiculous. By the way, there's a chance that I might be a tad drunk. Still though, there's a very *good* chance that you and Mr. X would get along.
We're going to brunch on Super Bowl Sunday. I am not a smart man.
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
I hate when I wake up and find my vibrator next to me. Such a waste of an orgasm...getting myself off in my sleep and not remembering
You poured all their beer into ziploc baggies so it would be "better on the go"
Randomize
