but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
I need to stop hooking up with boys in my major. three boys in one class is just a litttle too awkward.
I just took went to the bathroom and it smelt like blue curococo... I didn't flush yet so head on up if you wanna know what a good night smells like.
you threatened to puke on the table cause they didnt serve eggs Benedict
Let me put it this way - if I had a list of things I would like between my legs, she would rank below the cello I turned into firewood sophomore year.
And after getting thrown out of the frat house, getting carried up the hill for a half an hour, puking 5 times, and almost getting stopped by campus security, she still insisted he sleep with her. Gotta give her credit, even blacked she kept her eyes on the prize
She spilled creme de menthe on her crotch and I told her she looked like a menstruating Vulcan (costume idea!). Obviously, I went home alone.
She had YOLO tattooed on her ass. Like, one cheek said YO, the other said LO. Even I can't handle that level of hot mess.
Almost caused a huge accident on the highway because I was distracted by how orange the road barrels were
He was stoned laying on my bed singing I'm a little tea cup while I took a pregnancy test. Thank god it was negative.
Every time our eyes meet, I silently summon him to my vagina.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
Last time i cooked this high i tried to makw bacon amd then burned myselfbon the grill, only to realize 25min latwr when the bacon wouldnt cook that the grill wasn't on. I IMAGINED the burn.
I’ve wanted to home wreck him since their wedding. It was a dream come true
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