There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
You're not pinnochio. Lying isn't going to make it bigger.
my dealer just handed me my weed in a pink easter egg
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
When I said 'i love my boyfriend' I didn't mean 'send me a picture of your penis'.
Just ran into a client at a sex shop. The meeting tomorrow is going to be really awkward as we both try not to picture each other using vibrators or role play costumes.
Yeah, but she is forever sending my vagina on some sort of mission.
I lied. Can't workout today. Only exercises I'm currently capable of doing are breathing ones to keep last night's drinks ending up all over the classroom.
His ex-girlfriend just gave his current girlfriend the heimlach omg omg omg help this is so awkward
This couch is so comfortable I can tell if it's like a waterbed or I pissed myself
you just rode your bike home from a one night stand in a stolen skirt with no underwear and you're telling ME to reevaluate life choices?!
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
I mean I've only met the girl once and she was trying to slit some guys tires.
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
I climbed to the top of a stripper pole and touched the ceiling. Accomplishment?
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