I'm holding in my pee so that I can hear "Cowboy" in its entirety on the radio
I'm calling you out on twitter if you don't come over right now.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
And then i had a penis in each hand. It was magical.
I just noticed my teeth are no longer straight. Wondering if anyone had an explanation.
I would totes be making out with random people in the name of america if I was at the white house right now
We can't bring brittanys dog so we are getting high and getting in my bathtub I think it's pretty safe
How did she break his doorknob?
That was our fault. We put a chair under the doorknob so that she wouldn't wander out of his room in the middle of the night and jump into bed with her ex. But she's stronger than we thought.
My mom just walked in and she was like "Who ate all of the cheese?" and all I could think of was you trying to become a human taco
That night just went downhill after you pissed yourself while sitting on my lap
I'm a drunk white girl and my ancestors were drunk white girls, if we apologized our species would be extinct.
Remember Christopher who always sends me pictures of his penis? Look to your right, boy in the blue.
I think we should have a sex position advent calendar
Just had to read the instructions to my microwave. How am I so high?
Should I bring my 4 pairs of bunny ears? Or is that too weird?
4 pairs might be a bit much
Randomize
