Some guy just watched me feed 30 dimes and 3 quarters for bread and cheese at the self checkout at walmart. I no longer comprehend shame...
I know it is almost summer when the students in my night class start showing up drunk.
I am the master of subtle flirting. I seduced him by simulating a hand job with an epi-pen during training.
I just figured out, there are 9 children in this world that I can look at in the face and say "I fucked your mom."
it's official, after last weekend my girl number is higher than my guy number. fix this.
It probably isn't a good idea to go home with last night's hookup's brother. And sister.
Probably is probably an understatement.
Well, it's either jungle juice or memory of the night... It's unfortunate I can't have both
drunk in woodshop so don't even say "I SAWWW THIS COMING." I know you're thinking it.
I'm watching the Brazzers version of Mary Poppins and enjoying it. Volume on and all. 45 minutes.
What happened after I vommed in your shirt that I was wearing and threw it out the window on the highway?
I've got to stop fucking tourists. If Chicagos piazza is anything like their dicks. I'm moving.
In other news: I massively over-caffeinated this morning. Everything is vibrating and I can SEE THROUGH TIME
It's my birthday weekend! I'm getting a Brazilian and he's going to fucking Arkansas. Where the fuck are his priorities?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
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