The wedding was scheduled to start 5 min. ago. 20 people here so far, groomsmen in tees and jeans, catering by Costo. NO ONE OUR AGE IS READY FOR MARRIAGE!
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
the problem with open bar is i never know what to get
did you really just start a sentence with "the problem with open bar is..."
Any parent would be proud to have a daughter that's a blowjob fairy
she's walking down the hall in a thong and one flip flop and one ugg
Drinking wine in my childhood bed getting ready to go to sleep in order to wake up for my menial temp job. Thanks, college degree, I can handle the real world.
Please please please tell me that is not a pringles container full of pee that your little brother just got a hold of.....
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
He was in the middle of making out with two girls at once, but then the guy next to me said "I feel like I'm watching Animal Planet" he stopped to give him a high five
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
he's singing something in russian and knocking over my plants with his dick, get his drunk ass out of my apartment
HE STUCK IT IN THE FISHBOWL WTF
How do we stop her downward spiral?
Wine. For us.
I got my eyebrow ring humped out. How is that even possible?
Running my fingers through my hair is like that scene from Patch Adams where the girl goes swimming in a pool of spaghetti. I love molly.
My knees are skinned from sitting on someone's face on concrete
Randomize
