and the officer said have you been drinking
and i said NOO SIR.
and he said, I am a woman.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
theres a kid face down in the middle of campus... people are going about their day and paying no attention to him
She told me my pubes were as soft as "fine wool"
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
He just invited me over to bang on a sunday afternoon. If I can make it top the time I went to a strip club on fathers day then I'll consider it a success.
Dude, you disappeared somewhere on the walk back and shortly after we got a call from your cell phone from this guy explaining that him and his roommates woke up to the smell of burning pizza and a naked stranger on their couch.
My phone keeps autocorrecting to the "st. Natty's Day Parade" and I'm completely okay with that
In case you're wondering what eggs stolen from an elementary school's chicken coop taste like, delicious. Delicious is what they taste like.
I COULD BREAK CONCRETE WITH MY FOOTBALL ERECTION.
nothing out of the ordinary. you aplogized for having a spicy vagina and passed out
I should've left when he told me that he only smoked crack by accident once
How'd things go with that guy last night?
He threw up in the consol in my car then started crying about his ex girlfriend.
What happened to your back?
Rug burn. My ass is even worse.
Randomize
