So..he puked on my dress and I had to walk back to the dorms in his little sisters Scooby Doo pajamas.
I don't know you.
Billy Mays died!
I know. And the US is beating brazil...what's wrong with the world?
The last thing i remember is saying breakfast beer and carrying the keg to my room and locking the door.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
apparently he thought telling me 'the weasel wants to come out to play' would somehow convince me to go down on him
So I get to my parents and walk in the door so my mom knows I'm safe and alive and my grandpa looks at me and says "were you being someone's bitch". And I about died of laughter
Wow, he seems so solid
Get this. He's a red head and he works at country oven bakery. He will forever be known as the gingerbread man.
Is drinking before noon still a bad idea if you invent an amazing cocktail?
She told me she brought a guy home but that he looked pickled. And no, that's not an autocorrect.
Hahahah pickled
I asked her what she meant and she said that he looked like he had soaked in water.
First encounter with a mirco peen. I was confused when he said he doesnt go down on girls. Cmon dude, practice on a peach.
I'm trying to be sexual and you're sending me smashmouth lyrics
I woke up cuddling a ham. That's not a euphemism. I actually slept with an entire ham.
I think I got into an argument with my cat's former owner about what a BDSM relationship entails.
Two of my dealers just made friends at this party. Do you think one will be pissed if I buy from the other or should I just go 50/50?
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
Randomize
