That cute girl I hooked up with last night clawed my back to hell and gave me a hickey. I look like a white trash warewolf victim
Black thong, sheer white shorts not a professional look. This chick has no idea what sunlight makes her outfit look like.
Is it obsessive that I keep picking my crazy sex rug burn scab so it leaves a scar I can remember him by?
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
just found out this city drinks more beer during oktoberfest than rhode island does in a year.. i'm never leaving
Just remembered i had an ordained minister bless my booze last night.
so not only am i rooming with two chicks on the volleyball team, but we just put down the deposit on a hot tub. this is going to be the best summer ever for my dick.
seriously considering responding to a craigslist ad for a lesbian cunninlingus instructor...at this point i'm so desperate for a job that i'm willing to switch teams.
He made me write my name on his wall in crayon so he'd be able to remember it in the morning
if I just puked into my own hand, but then cleaned it up quickly, quietly, and calmly, am I still a trainwreck?
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Got stuck at my fwb place for three days because I decided sex was more important than my safety in the weather. Worth it.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
Please come over. It's a pajama and burn-2016-in-effigy party
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