no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
he made me stop in the middle of the blowjob to turn the tv towrds him. i then proceeded when he stopped me again to get him the remote. fuck me.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
we're about an hour out, how's the weather?
cloudy with a chance of strippers and cocaine, you're favorite. welcome home.
This weekend was suppose to be a 'smoke weed and stare at things' weekend. Not a 'spend all my rent money partying with Europeans till 8 am' weekend
Yeah but those French chicks did get naked
not saying it was a bad idea to throw an impromptu party but someone stole the microwave
When did our fuck buddy relationship, turn into me babysitting his dog?
just almost had a panic attack because i couldn't find the granola bar i put in my purse. i miss klonopin.
I'm making a date with someone on Playstation Home. That's how my sex life is going right now.
Getting haircut. The stylist asked about the body paint dried in my hair. I told her there was prob glitter, too. It was a fun night!
We just broke my bed mid-sex, laughed, then continued. If that isn't true love I don't know what is.
I punched the bar tender after he cut me off. Hopped over the bar and made my own drink. That's how I got tazed
Welcome to your 30’s, where every one night stand is most likely with someone’s father
do you know why there was a glass jar of hot chocolate and a traffic flare in my shower?!! like where did that even come from
Sorry I fucked your cousin. Again. I just wanted him to take me on his boat.
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