New discovery: doing the Helen Keller is not as attractive as I thought it would be, in reference to the sex noises.
Glad I put on jeans. You could measure my ass sweat with a rain guage.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just took career test that listed librarian and bartender as top career choices. Fascinating.
he conducted the entire waffle house into singing the song Oklahoma. He was wasted.
She kept saying "I'm going to hell" the entire time we were fucking. I really wasn't sure what to do... so I agreed with her.
That was definitely the right answer.
you literally pushed me forward in the seat so you could puke behind my back without the cabbie noticing..
He got tattooed, peirced, and we're pretty sure he got rufeed by that fat chick. He was like a walking spring break stereotype.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Maybe before the beach I should get a tracking chip in my arm.
Martha Stewart has had a one night stand and is unsure if she's had a threesome. I no longer feel slutty.
I wore wrist and ankle weights while we had sex. Does that count as working out?
You bet your firm but soft ass I miss you
I just tried to dye my pubic hair teal for her
Don’t drink the Bloody Mary - it’s vodka and salsa.
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