Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
Best news of the day: the hot chick at the funeral was NOT related to me... Thank god
If you're trying to subtly tell me that I look like Connie Chung, just stop it. I already know.
Hooking up with him would mean my type has officially become... drug dealer.
did we decide the 'sorry about the threesome' cake was too flippant?
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
no im not bringing booze its easy, you just challenge a drunk guy to beer pong, he'll hand you two beers, you lose on purpose, and everyone makes fun of you. but we laugh in the end for bringing nothing to a byob
What drink are we having for lunch?
Best part of Friday afternoon drinking? Having ping pong balls thrown into my cleavage.
At one point 12 people dressed in care bear onesies were up on stage grinding super nasty, and two of the girl Care Bears were making out.
If this wasn't a hallucination, we need to go to this magical kingdom every night of the week.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
my whole checking account just had a funeral down bourban street, paid for that, and then bought everyone 5 shots of fireball...
Dude I am a waste of space, I just febreezed myself so I could go out and get lunch
Only you would offer whiskey to a man in liver failure.
are you comparing glasses to pregnancy
Randomize