First thing she said after sex was.. are you baptised by chance?
and I didnt even know his name until this morning when we were laying in bed and he referred to himself in the 3rd person.
Depending on hangover severity. The fact that I can spell severity is in your favor.
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
Ur gonna wake up early as dick tomorrow to do some responsible shit but im the one up at 3 am right now cooking brats soaked in keystone light so fuck your falling asleep ass bitch
Ya well here is the deal with last night, it was the Biggest shit show we have ever co-stared in.
No, you made a silk sheet toga and held up a dildo calling yourself "The Statue of Puberty". People made pilgrimages from the other party down the block to see you.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
Shout out to my liver for being the true MVP. It easily put in more work than LeBron or Curry this week.
I used the phrase "love child of quasimodo and cyclops " in a sentence today.
And today, on Faces I'd Like to Sit On .... The starting line up of the German National Football team
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We found you in the bathroom at 1AM throwing money into the toilet making wishes. That drunk.
.... Seriously?
Socially acceptable to sleep in a booth in the library? Its not finals but I dunno if I can make it back to south. Too drunk.
Randomize
