he thought i was a dude.
The idiot babysitter thought my dildo was a teething toy and gave it to our child.
Did you put it in the freezer again?
Seriously. Doesn't matter if I went out last night, work is like crafts class w.a side of facebook
tried to be sexy and unbutton his shirt with my teeth. ended up slobbering all over it. thank god he was already passed out
Yes someone did see you carrying a beer bong on the side of coastal highway
i guess when we were done i grunted "unforgiveable" and walked out.
Don't know how I even got in. I pulled my id out and threw it at the bouncer, and he just picked it up, checked it, and let me in.
so now that i'm sober i just want to apologize for violating your back seat...... on a brighter note thank you for playing the little mermaid song "kiss the girl," really set the mood.
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
Lube filled water balloons always make for a good time
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Worse: texted mom-in-law by mistake that I sharted.
Worser: she offered to clean me up
So is it safe to say that my only objective from last night is to finish this entire jar of peanut butter?
I raged so hard that I was so hungover today I threw up out of a car window going 50mph cause my parents didn't pull over quick enough ...sorry to the people behind us
I spent last night dying strippers pubes green and landscaping shamrocks. That is why hands look like I squashed a leprechaun.
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