hey can you give me head? jesse told me that you're really good
who is this?
jesse's little brother
You can tell a man will be prosperous by the power of his farts- A fart that can shake the room is a voice that can change the world.
At what number of girls whose last names are stored in your phone book as drinking establishments does it become excessive?
you handed me your bra at the bar and said 'hold my purse'
ONE NIGHT STAND. You have 27 minutes before the offer expires, so I suggest you hurry.
I swear to God, I just heard my guardian angel tell us to stop. I think we should listen.
Even the bar was yelling boobs, so of course the shirt came off
I'm hungover as hell. I'm dying. I have no skin left on my knees
nothing like going to the bathroom, running into the wall, thinking its a person and saying"its ok i just had the 4 beers" even the wall knew i was lying
My boob is missing a layer of skin
She's high and running across rooftops. Yes we're going to end up in A&E again.
I was going to text you that earlier, but I felt like before 10 was probably to early to bring up boners
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
You were trust falling into bushes
look, bitch. one day when everyone i care about deserts me for my severe moral depravity, you're going to be the only one i have.
i can't wait.
Randomize
