Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
My fave moment of today was you sitting in a hot pink innertube puking into the ocean in front of a lot of children. i would have held your hair back but the ocean did it for you.
he's been in the country 4 hours and we just did it in the closet. he called me "miss flirtatious in the cupboard." i'm in love.
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
He had the smallest penis i'd ever seen. I can see why he drinks his life away.
almost passed out on the way to class today.. laid down in a construction site. bad idea
i don't even specifically remember last night, it's just one big wonderful lesbianic blur.
What's the wine called that we really like and we usually drink it with xanax?
He woke up, got my bottle of water and poured it on me and then went back to sleep. Not really how I want to wake up at 2 a.m.
I'm handcuffed to your bathroom sink. Save me.
My boss just called me for legal advice. What has my life become?
Some girl is sitting topless in the kitchen and having a Skype video chat with some guy. I already like it here.
You have to commit to sexting. You can't just quit right after I send you pictures of my asshole.
Seriously, come on.
I feel like there's a picture of my ass on the internet right now.
I hate you.
I just woke up and my ass is covered in honey and my eye brows are shaved off.
Yeah, everything was going great until the mugging.
Randomize
