i'm only drinking out of pineapples from now on.
12 pack with dinner. Living by yourself is awesome.
GUESS WHAT I JUST LICKED
I feel like half our conversations start this way.
we got blazed and looked up peoples criminal records
i don't think it's normal to still be missing spring break.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
Just hook me up with your dad already stop being selfish
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Drunk me made out with someone's girlfriend last night, was invited to their place for a semi-threesome, and then walked home at three am. Can't decide if this is better or worse than drunkenly challenging everyone to taekwondo sparring matches...
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
You have the perkiest tits in all of North America. You're fine.
DAMN HIS BEARD AND ABILITY TO USE TOOLS ON A LADDER!!
I'm shrooming way too hard to deal with your bullshit at this particular point in time
Do you know why I slept in the yard last night?
You said you watched the lion king stoned and had to do it for simba.
Pride rock will get you every time.
I often worry that if I get famous, people from my past will recognize me and start talking to the media
Randomize
