i chose cheese fries over sex for the third time this week.
Decided to write a book called "girls don't poop and other myths I wish I still believed in"
she said she could "feel the heat of my groin" against her. ruined the whole fucking moment.
i just watched my husband get a prostate exam. sex is ruined for me.
he then started listing things that have been up his butt, never drinking in boys town again
Apparently I walked up to him, mumbled something incoherently, then started to make out with him. Why does this always happen.
I saw you sitting on top of my car trying to row back home... Did you make it?
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Also my face is like def lowkey made of silly putty
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
2 weeks shy of 25 and all I’m wishing for is a secret admirer who pulls my trash cans to the curb Wednesday morning for me because I always forget to Tuesday’s nights thanks to it being dollar draft night at the local bar
I'm gonna have to start putting baby wipes and a change of pants in my bag. The amount of times I'm scared of shitting my pants in public is too high and I need the reassurance
I learned tonight while in another country that no matter the nationality, men are disappointing in bed
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