If that ambulance is off to save our dignity, please tell them it's too late...
found a dugout with weed in it in dad's car. decided to top up the weed compartment with salvia. for fun.
when did we get so old that our friends started having LEGITIMATE children?
it's like, God thought about making her pretty then changed his mind at the last second
You can't keep basing your relationship off of the fact that you both love ramen noodles
You Were screaming "Im trying to get it in" and "stop cock blocking" while i threw you in the car
Sometimes I wonder how you ever made friends then I remember it's because you blew your way to semi-relevance
I just saw that cheerleader from u of arkansas that I hooked up with over spring break on espn. My parents would be so proud.
I'm wearing a shirt that says "birthday girls #1 homo" ...what has my life come to?
We're all getting matching jack daniels tattoos. We're gonna be an alcoholic gang of awesome.
When you can pee with one hand accurately while texting, you drink too much.
After 7 months of nothing.. shall we throw your vagina a party? as its reinstatement into society?
And I must've sleep walked to the fridge cause when I woke up, there I was, balls deep in a fudge pop.
it's unicorns you uncultured swine
OMFG. JUST WALKED IN ON A DUDE JERKING IT IN THE MCDONALDS BATHROOM
Stall or urinal?
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