you were definitelymotorboating random chicks as they walked out of the bar. just like, down the line. you kept yelling "Motor Boats for everyone!!!!"
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
You brought back some girl with you at 3am and introduced her to everyone as "hot pocket"
it's kind of nice to have a picture of me making out with someone and actually know who it is for once
scratched cornea got me an eyepatch and a blowjob from a girl with a thing for pirates
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
The fool I made of myself at the Ugly Christmas Sweater party last night was surpassed this morning when I walk of shamed 6 miles at 7am with one mysterious wet leg and no pants on. I think my mom saw me and waved.
You want a summary? Scottish women that start drinking at 7 am. Cherries soaked in moonshine. Japanese beer. Old men smoking stuff that I'm pretty sure is illegal here and in Japan. One is doing a karaoke striptease. There's your summary.
Post walk of shame: realized the underwear I put on when I left was another girl's underwear.... woof
It's either gonna be a cock in my mouth or a burger. You decide which.
Just went to my first strip club and they had Fox News on. Conservative booty time.
He went down on me for an hour and a half. He needs to get promoted more often.
YOU TOOK A FUCKING SNAP OF ME TRYING TO PEE! I'M GOING TO FUCK YOU WITH THE BUSINESS END OF A RUTED RAKE!
I just paid my school fees like a real adult who doesn't get accidentally drunk on a Tuesday night
I don't know. Seeing the vagina stretched out beyond normal proportions is like watching your favorite superhero die.
Randomize
