you fell asleep during kickboxing this morning
how does that even happen??
You had a beer at 10:30 this morning?
Ya, I didn't have any Tylenol.
Having kids is risky. They might end up weird.
Just turned elections for the sorority into a drinking game. Right on.
are you looking for your table cloth? Cause I found it around my neck this morning...
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
She devotes each year to either men or women. I waited all year for her to be straight, tonights the night.
I'm making presurgery martini's. You need to be here.
You basically told your boyfriend at the time you were going to shit in his hands.
And I meant every ounce of it.
2 things. 1. I just gave her a 6 hour long marathon fucking for America. 2. Thought of a new invention halfway through, and it's flawless.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
He specifically said I couldn't post the picture of him passed out naked except for a strategically placed washcloth. Where's the fun in that?
YOU'RE MARRIED. TO OTHER PEOPLE.
lets do drugs on my lunch break tomorrow
WHY DOES MY BOYFRIEND'S BROTHER HAVE TO BE SO FUCKING HOT
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
Randomize
