booty call
i swear to god if you come over i will kick you in the pussy.
So I got hit on by a gay guy. It might have something to do with the fact that I licked his nose.
And why did you do that?
Tequila
I feel like I bought a front row ticket to watch her screw up her life
first off, his name is dougie. strike one.
Stop making excuses. You can be here in 5 and cumming in 10
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
I just had a flashback of me saying "I'm not ready to be a deadbeat mom" lastnight.
I caught him with his head in the spinach bag this morning. He was laughing demonically saying, "i love spinach, yes I do."
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
I just made kick ass drunk stir fry while taking care of three other drunk people and doing shots. I don't understand how that's not wife material
God I miss you. I want to fuck your face... Then do all the girly cuddly shit too.
We were getting breakfast he shit himself in the middle of ihop. Mid bite he just yells out o fuck.
I need to sleep so I can die properly tomorrow.
Randomize
