I just fucked 3 marines at the same time...how did you celebrate veterans day?
if i see another status about New Moon, i'm gonna punch a baby
Yeah she is in it for the money, wait til she finds out i am broke and the sex doesnt get better
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
I don't know if I have the sustained energy level for partying hard
Not a choice. You are mistaking my comments as options. My statements are facts. This is what is happening.
i think the title to my autobiography shall be, "a bottle of vodka and various pieces of meat"
and this is why you're my favorite gay friend.
Which outfit says "I'm sorry for your loss but we're still banging later"?
When did angry sex become our thing?
Good morning love! Friendly reminder that we decided to make leggings with a vagina zipper. "For the winter quickie"
Let's never forget the time I met you while you were running down the street naked and in handcuffs.
I've literally NEVER been on a date or gotten through one episode of netflix without having sex like I JUST WANT TO WATCH TRUE DETECTIVE
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Definitely accidentally brought drugs into Disneyland. Considering using them.
Do not confuse my plans for being an adult though. I will ABSOLUTELY be practicing suturing, on my porch, while getting stoned.
Want to sleep. Also want to see Alex on MDMA doing really stupid shit. Choices...
Randomize
