i may or may not have a boner. what are your thoughts
I am not drunk. I will recite the pledge.
I don't want you to recite the pledge!
Pledge alligien to america to united states of america
don't you miss dr. quinn: medicine woman? i do.
I love my grandma, but if I have to sit and watch one more show on Bravo, I'm gonna burn her fuckin house to the ground
70 feet underwater and I sharted my wetsuit, Tide pen won't clean this up.
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
I'm at verizon, the guy asked me why my phone is full of seeds. Deff. Not leaving my phone with you anymore.
His best friend walked in while we were banging, turned on the light, yelled BURN, grabbed his computer to play the Thunderstruck drinking game, turned off the light and left.
I want to hold her baby but I'm afraid I'll give it a contact buzz
Girl at work pointed out that the blood vessels around my eyes were all popped and I smell like puke
I found your Halloween costume. I think you shit yourself last night
Hey... Tell me if you remember differently, but nobody truly saw me naked, right?
Dude. I've never been with a guy who just wanted to go down on me all the time including while I'm shooting zombies on call of duty. My life is complete.
Yeah yeah, I don't care. I bought a super soaker, so lets please go attracting attention by spraying each other while wearing white tank tops?
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
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